I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
