wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
