I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
