We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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