Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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