Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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