If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
