Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
