ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
