that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
