tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
