Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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