It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
