just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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