I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
