Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize