I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize