i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My cat gives me a boner
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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