I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
