in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
