I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
