also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
