too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
