Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
