Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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