Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
