Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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