I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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