The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
