We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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