he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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