i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
