I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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