dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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