Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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