I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize