I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
