I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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