Dual....:-)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
