hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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