dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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