you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
