??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
