I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize