so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
