I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
