She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
