I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
