New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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