dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
