Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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