meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
