i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
