my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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