The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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