In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We have started to decorate penises.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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