to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
