I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
