So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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