Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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