fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
