Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize