so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bring me that man meat
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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