You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
