When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
