we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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