Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
