When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
