I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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