Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
