God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
